


Between us (revisited)

by Lokisgame



Series: To have and to hold [15]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Drabble, Episode: s04e14 Memento Mori, Episode: s08e13 Per Manum, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-13 15:23:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7981435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokisgame/pseuds/Lokisgame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deny her this? That would be the ultimate insult.</p><p>Edited, because I learned a couple of things over the October Fic Fest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Between us (revisited)

He tries to imagine himself with someone else. To find something he needs that she can’t give him. He tries to imagine something he wants and she doesn’t have. Nothing.  


_Deny her this? That would be the ultimate insult._  


What if he said no? Scully giving birth to someone else’s child? He can't imagine witnessing her going through this on her own, watching from a distance as she carries a child inside her, keeping his feelings behind a glass wall. Holding her hand, no, more likely sit alone at home while she pushes the little head and shoulders out into this world and thinking _this is her child, not theirs, not his. He said no._  
What would she tell the child? An anonymous prime specimen of male animal was a part of a medical procedure that resulted in birth of a new human being. It's love that makes all those medical terms personal, gives them meaning. He could be the one who brings this wonder to life.

He wants her, he wants to be the one who will make her impossible possible. He wants to be there every step of the way, for the rest of his life, because today he can't imagine himself without her. He wouldn't know what to do with his life, because her life is his life and the very thought of having to take a step back is absurd. To give up this chance is impossible.  
She shouldn’t have to do this alone, and he certainly will not make her. He won’t let anyone spoil this one chance she has to be happy as a mother, so if there's none other in her life, then he's not going anywhere. No reason to hurt her or himself.  
This will be their child, now when he thought about it, it seemed obvious, crystal clear, he wants to be happy with her, not just for her. _Well Scully, in for a penny in for a pound._

Ever since Scully’s abduction, when he wasn’t just a scared kid anymore, the atrocities that were committed against unsuspecting men and women have taken a whole new meaning for him, it became even more personal. The loss of Samantha defined him, the loss of Scully galvanized his resolve, like pressure turning coal into diamonds. His resolve could cut glass. He stopped chasing little gray men and went after the real monsters instead.  
When he found that clinic and what it held, he didn’t think about it. He had to return the ova to her, they were unlawfully taken away and he couldn't leave them behind. It was the right thing to do, the only thing to do. He didn’t even think of them as evidence, because those tended to disappear faster than fresh backed cookies at a birthday party. No, that was his chance to undo some of the pain and loss that came to her because of her involvement in his work.  
_If she lived that is,_ he thought then.  
_If they were viable that is,_ he thought.  
_If she didn’t hate him for waiting so long to tell her about them._  


Back then he didn't think he could be a part of it, but now when she said it, when she put it on the table, the only doubt he had, was if she would really want the same things as he did, because his decision was made.

He's brimming with happiness, one foot outside the door, because walking away is what she expects him to do. She stands in the doorway tears of joy glisten in her eyes, and he can't bring himself to leave. This is the kind of happiness that is meant to be shared, and he leans in to kiss her, just a simple sign that to him she means more than anything.  
Then, as he kissed her goodbye, he got his first wish. She pulled him back inside and he shut the door behind them. The world might end, he didn't care. She slipped his coat of his shoulders and he pulled her in closer, molding her small frame to his, as he did times before, only different. This time it was a commitment. A miracle in progres. 

The procedure was just a formality.


End file.
